A Night Out for a Chat or Thrown for a Loop by God's Intervention or Martin makes a
               mistake, and not for the first time.

   Well now, let me tell you a story about last night. I thought I'd go to one of those support-group & help set-ups, you know for general problems in life for various reasons events, but don't worry friends I'm doing very well now actually. It had first been suggested years ago but I'd always either just shrugged it off or seriously said no. This evening I thought, sure why not? Lets just bite the bullet, stroll on down, sit in with some other folks, chat, tell stories, offer support, maybe laugh at our human failings, smile at our small triumphs, something like that.
 
    So it takes me awhile to walk there, but I make it. Its in a room in a church, that's fine I figure, they have the space, they offer comfort and help, no pressure, that's fine. So I'm a bit hot and flustered by the time I get there, the evening is warm and I've walked awhile. I hesitate, then open the door.

  There's two guys sitting on a couch, they have a calm and contained look, papers in hand, glasses waving. Everyone else seems a little dazed & nervous, uncomfortable for the most part. As am I of course, but I grab a chair and take a seat in the circle.

  A paper is being passed around and read by each in turn, its in a plastic holder so I can see its being used a lot and this must be a regular event. There is mention of God amongst the self-criticism and humility, later I look up the 12 Step manifesto and its a variation on that theme.

  I wait till the paper is passed again and interrupt.
   "Is this a Christian thing?" I ask, directing my question to one of the guys on the
 couch.
  "This is about human beings, not God." I say, 'It's nothing to do with God."
  "You are welcome to stay,' he says, "And no it is not. There is some literature
here," he says, gesturing to the table just in front of him I glance but honestly can't
read any titles as I'm so flustered. I think I see a Bible there but I could be mistaken.
The reading continues with the guy next to me, more talk of God. He passes it to me with a very nice smile and tells me I can pass if I like. I say hello to everybody, 'How you'all doin'"I say, but there is silence.  I read the statement number 11 to myself and see a whole bunch of religious phrasing, can't remember exactly what it says. I laugh out loud as I tell them I have to pass. The paper continues through one more guy, and then the next begins.

  Now I'm going to have to paraphrase here, as I can't exactly recall the sentences, but basically its "I acknowledge that only a power greater than myself can help me through this." At this my patience is gone.
   "Oh this is fucked I say. Its got nothing to do with god, its us, its us here as human beings." I get up. "I'm sorry, this is fucked, I don't know what the fuck you are all doing here.' And I'm gone, taking the wrong turn as I leave the room, and getting lost in my emotional fog.
 
 I head home, and actually I feel real good. What the heck1 I think, I hadn't expected that. How does God come into this? It's not that I'm an atheist, in fact I often picture myself as some sort of radical be-robed shoeless Jesus casting the money-lenders, cursing the rich, shaming the evil-hearted, but still,  can't see what God has to do with this. Its human, its human at its core. So I ponder starting an existential-humanist support group so as we can talk about life and ourselves, about how hard it can be, about our failings our achievements, our sorrows and our happiness, and the answer put forward will be of human source, god cannot help us with anything, its up to us, we will be free when we make ourselves free, and I small broadly as I stroll down the road. I see people glancing over from their cars.
 
I realize too of course that they may be talking about this stranger this evening, or of course they may not give a damn, but perhaps they are saying that this is only evidence of my need for the lord's hand, of my resistance to change, of my troubled psyche, or again I may have just stirred things up a little, but I doubt it. Its similar perhaps to other religious cult set-ups, like the Hare Krisha's, with their ex-addicts and their flipped out acid freaks, needing the structure, the certainty, the meaning to life. I almost joined up myself once, but that's another story.

  Only man can make man free, or something similar ... yes indeed.